Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
