she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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