She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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