Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need moral support for this bender
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
