I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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