grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
