I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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