The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
