also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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