State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
