So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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