god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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