brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
