im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
