He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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