Need sex. Gaining weight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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