clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize