you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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