Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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