Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
