I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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