Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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