On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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