highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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