A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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