yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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