Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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