Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
