You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
