ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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