Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The power of my boobs compel you
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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