I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
