you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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