i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
