ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
