Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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