put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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