if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
