I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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