Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
