i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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