Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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