I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
