So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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