you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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