she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
