It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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