____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize