dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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