Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pants are for mortals
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
