Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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