i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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