Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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