Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
