He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
