u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
