Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
