Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
