I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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