So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.