We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT