I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that