i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Im part way to drunk.