So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.