tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.