I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
