if i died would you start the facebook group?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
