oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
