she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
