Im at strip club and am horny
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
