I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
