If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
