I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
