Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
