I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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