I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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