He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
