Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
