just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
