11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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