At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
