I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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