she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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